The Sleep Blogger
Betty and the Blogger, together at last
We caught up with Betty White earlier this week to talk about sleep. As you may recall from his previous post, the Sleep Blogger warned Betty that he’d surely ask about her most recent night of slumber (he did), and advised her to instruct her publicist to be ready to rescue Betty from the Sleep Blogger’s talkative clutches (she did; the publicist practically snatched the phone away after ten minutes). But in that brief period, Blogger and Betty had a grand time.
Betty White, reading a bedtime story
Q: I always start with this question. Did you sleep well last night?
Yes, I did. I don’t need a lot of sleep, though. Just good sleep. My golden retriever and I sleep just fine.
Q: Speaking of that, I notice from your Zzzz score that you were advised to have your dog sleep on the floor rather than on the bed with you. Will you make that adjustment?
Oh, no way. Pontiac and I can’t get that far apart. He has his own place on the bed. No, I’m not going to change. I’m 88 years old, and I’ve been sleeping with animals for 88 years. Four-legged ones, that is.
Q: What makes you sleepy?
Well, I’m addicted to crossword puzzles. Sometimes I’ll do them in bed, and after a couple of them my eyes get droopy.
Q: You understand that I’ve got to ask a question about “Saturday Night Live,” right?
Oh, yes.
Q: OK, here it is. We here at the Sleep Blog don’t condone sleeplessness, of course, but the SNL after-parties are legendary, so maybe that’s the one time it’s acceptable to skip sleep. How was the party?
It was lovely, and [the SNL cast] are a great bunch. But by that time you’ve been working hard all night, and you can’t just come right down from that. So I wouldn’t have been sleeping anyway.
Q: Did you nap before the show?
There was no time for that. I’m not a napper. There’s always so many other things to do.
Q: I’ve got a couple of off-the-wall questions here. For instance, if Ted Baxter had a sleep tip, what would it be?
It’s been a long time since Ted’s offered any advice. He’d probably tell you to tape his shows and rerun them at bedtime.
Q: I’m thinking Bea Arthur’s snores would have registered on a seismograph. Am I right?
I don’t think they would have been loud. They would have been deep. Basso profundo.
Q: Last question. You know how people say, “I slept like a baby” — even though babies don’t actually sleep that well? How ’bout if we start saying, “I slept like a senior citizen”? Or even better, “I slept like Betty White”?
I don’t think senior citizens sleep any better than babies.
Q: I’m open to suggestions. “Slept like a rock” doesn’t work because rocks don’t sleep. And “slept like the dead” is just too gruesome.
When I was a child I’d say I slept like a log and barked all night. It was my favorite joke.