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Second banana, again

For the second year in a row, a big-name celebrity has been recruited to help spread the word about sleep — specifically, the importance of regular, sustained doses of it. And for the second year in a row, the Sleep Blogger finds himself feeling like Paul Shaffer after a bigger star has come onstage to dominate Letterman’s attention.

We kid, we kid. Betty White, who has signed onto the snooze bandwagon — you can read the official announcement here — is cutting-edge cool right now. It’s a honor to be pitching the glories of sleep with her. Last year it was singer/songwriter Jewel (that’s her with the Sleep Blogger in the photo), and this year it’s Miz Betty, the former Golden Girl and soon-to-be “Saturday Night Live” host. The Sleep Blogger is wondering how long his good luck can continue.

Jewel, ever gracious, listens as the Sleep Blogger drones on

If he might be so presumptuous, SB would like to offer a few suggestions to Betty in anticipation of the inevitable meeting between these two titans of slumber.

First, the Sleep Blogger has an unfortunate tendency to hold forth on any subject, usually at tedious length. Betty can either (a) affix a fraudulent expression of rapt attention on her face until he runs out of breath (a tactic Jewel deployed successfully, as is evident in the photo); or (b) instruct her publicist to engineer an emergency rescue after, say, 30 seconds — you know, something about an important phone call Betty has to take right away. The Sleep Blogger will understand. Lots of people he encounters suddenly remember important phone calls. It happens all the time.

Second, SB is really, truly, deeply into this sleep business. He’s known to ask things like, “So, you gettin’ any good REM action nowadays?” A vague nod of agreement is usually all the answer he needs. Also, he’s gonna make a bad joke about sleeping on the job. (Get it? Get it?) There’s no escaping it. Apologies in advance.

Last, he’ll probably seek to compare celebrity perks with Betty at some point: “Yeah, I got a free pillow out of this gig. And they offer me a soda every time I visit headquarters!” If she’s getting first-class plane rides, a champagne-stocked dressing room and daily massages, perhaps she could keep the details to herself.

Welcome aboard, Betty. Have fun sleeping on the job. (Whoa. There’s the bad joke already.)

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